Why do I always forget how much simple, repetitive kitchen tasks can calm and sooth, how surrendering to a singular goal is not madness but a source of pleasure? Narrowing my focus to just one thing is not a scary and impossible fairytale but a relief and pleasure and really the only solution most of the time.
Category Archives: Life
December 6
People are always twisting themselves up in knots about feminism. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard a celebrity say, “I’m not a feminist, I just want to…”
Just want to what?
- Go to school?
- Study whatever subject you like?
- Attend the school of your choice?
- Have a job/career?
- In the field you studied for?
- Keep your name after you marry?
- Keep your job after you marry?
- After you have children?
- Own a business?
- Own property of any kind?
- Vote?
- Drive a car?
- Travel alone?
- Go outside without being harassed?
- Have autonomy over your own body?
- etc. etc. etc.
All the people who claim to not be feminists want some, if not all, of these things. So what I have to say to them is: you are wrong when you say you’re not a feminist. You are a feminist, because that’s what feminism is.
Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.
That is all. And yet, it is everything.
On December 6, 1989, a man killed fourteen women at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal. He killed them because they were women studying engineering.
On December 6, 1989, I was an undergrad, a biology major. I wasn’t an engineer, but I was studying sciences. The fourteen who were killed were my age or just a little older. They were, essentially, my peers. This could have happened in one of my classrooms.
People who know me know I’m wary of co-opting other people’s tragedies. Obviously, people who were there that day, people who knew the fourteen women, have been far more deeply affected by this event than I can even imagine. But it did have one profound, lasting impact on me.
I have never wavered on the subject of feminism.
I am a feminist because I believe women and men should have equal rights and opportunities.
Geneviève, Hélène, Nathalie, Barbara, Anne-Marie, Maud, Maryse, Maryse, Anne-Marie, Sonia, Michèle, Annie, Annie, and Barbara had the same right as any man to go to school, to study engineering or nursing or to work at the university. Their choices should have been unremarkable. They should not have made them targets for murder.
While it’s true that most women won’t be murdered for choosing to study engineering or computer science or math or chemistry, most will be ridiculed or harassed (even jailed in some jurisdictions) at some point in their lives for making a choice that would be mundane if a man had made it. The sentiment underpinning the Montreal massacre—the belief that women should not have the same rights and opportunities as men—is still prevalent.
Why is it that people are embarrassed to say they’re feminists when really they should be embarrassed to say they’re not? Because they’ve bought into the rhetoric (“feminists are man-haters”) of those who would like women to return to the place they were a century ago. When you say “I am not a feminist” even though you believe that a woman should have the same rights and opportunities as a man, you are, in effect, supporting a position you don’t actually believe in and, if you are a woman, you’re sabotaging yourself. So stop saying it. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to those who fought for the rights you currently have, you owe it to those for whom you are a role model, and you owe to those who no longer have a voice.
You are a feminist.
Own it.
I should steal this
and use it as my new motto. Stand and recite before every work day (for some reason this reminds me of Brownies—“I promise to do my best…” ;)):
I’m way too intelligent and talented to feel underappreciated, and I’m too smart to stay somewhere I’m not adequately financially compensated for my work.
physical and spiritual wellness are integral to a successful life
The concepts seem a little fuzzy at times, but the overarching thesis is that it is time to rethink the common wisdom of how to achieve success: sleep four hours a night, work 20 hours a day, see your family rarely and never admit the need for downtime. … The answer? To create a movement that embraces the idea that physical and spiritual wellness — from meditation to exercise to good nutrition — are integral to, not separate from, a successful life. … Another answer: To build workplaces where empathy and kindness are rewarded, in the somewhat corny terminology of the speakers, where a go-giver is as desirable as a go-getter.
Adventures in Home Improvement
My apartment has these terrible light “fixtures” in the hallways. By “fixture” I mean there isn’t actually a fixture. They’re meant to have a large globe light bulb in them. Except a) they don’t and b) I’ve never a seen a globe light bulb of that size in a store (little ones, sure, but not giant ones) to replace the regular-size bulbs they do have.
So anyway, one day I’m procrastinating, staring at the ceiling, and instead of coming up with the plot of the Great Canadian Novel, I come up with an idea for dealing with those oh-so-classy bare light bulbs.
At the next opportunity, I head to Ikea where I serendipitously find exactly what I’m looking for (the Renate shade, $5). Still, I don’t know if it will actually work until I try it.
Home again, where I do try it… and it does work! Perfectly. Behold, the upside-down lampshade solution:
While it’s kind of embarrassing this didn’t occur to me sooner, I thought I’d post it for anyone else who might have a bare light bulb dilemma.
p.s. Sorry about the hideous popcorn ceiling. I know all you HGTV stainless steel/granite people are probably scarred for life 😉
ordinary can be extraordinary
Hey, that’s my line.
I wonder if there is any room for the ordinary any more, for the child or teenager — or adult — who enjoys a pickup basketball game but is far from Olympic material, who will be a good citizen but won’t set the world on fire. … Ordinary and normal smack too much of average. It seems that we all want to live in Garrison Keillor’s mythical Lake Wobegon, where all children are above average. … Most people … have talent in some areas, are average performers in many areas and are subpar in some areas. The problem is that we have such a limited view of what we consider an accomplished life that we devalue many qualities that are critically important. … How do we go back to the idea that ordinary can be extraordinary? How do we teach our children — and remind ourselves — that life doesn’t have to be all about public recognition and prizes, but can be more about our relationships and special moments? … Some people may fear that embracing the ordinary means that they are letting themselves and their children off easy. If it’s all right to be average, why try to excel? But the message isn’t to settle for a life on the couch playing Xbox (though, yes, playing Xbox is O.K. sometimes), but rather to to make sure you aspire to goals because they are important to you, not because you want to impress your parents, your community or your friends.
the risk that something unfinished will be published
“The peculiarity of being a writer,” [Joan] Didion says, “is that the entire enterprise involves the mortal humiliation of seeing one’s own words in print.” (Just by making this statement Didion clearly inserts herself, the writer, into the story.)
Yet even worse than publication, she says, is the risk that something unfinished will be published.
omg. this. so much this.
Just tried to track down the article this piece is about [Joan Didion, Life and Letters, “Last Words,” The New Yorker, November 9, 1998, p. 74] and was foiled. None of the databases go back far enough (seriously what’s up with databases that only go back to 2002?). Will have to go to the VPL and track down the print version. SFU has its old issues on microfilm. Microfilm! How… 20th century.
ETA: So I actually went to the library and found the old New Yorkers in the stacks, located the right volume, and… some asshat who’s apparently never heard of a photocopier had torn out this essay. #fail
xkcd: pastime
happiness becomes more and more about being content
Research suggests (and my own experience has shown me) that what it means to be “happy” slowly evolves into something very different from our youthful idea of happiness. Happiness for the young is largely about anticipating the joys of new accomplishments … As we grow older, we find that happiness becomes more and more about being content in our current circumstances, and hanging on to what we’ve already got[.]
Awesomesauce
I’ve been feeling a bit meh this past week because it’s annual progress report time and I’m still not done The Dissertation. On the bright side, I think one more semester should do it (in terms of finishing the draft).
Anyway, I went to campus to drop off the aforementioned report and whilst there checked my mailbox. In it were my TA evaluations from past semesters. And in amongst the inevitable “too sarcastic”* and “hard marker” (if anything, I’m too soft, so that remark always amuses me) comments were so many positive comments, the most enthusiastic comments I think I’ve ever received from students. Warm fuzzy! 🙂
*Example of “too sarcastic” thing I might actually say: “So! I’m sure everyone’s done this week’s reading!” {implied “not!” due to past experience, but with much enthusiasm and the secret hope that they might all say “Yes!” I’m an optimistic cynic.} I know! So mean, right?
I don’t think this is a me problem specifically; I think it’s a Gen-X/Gen-Y generational difference. It comes up online quite a bit. Whenever I see Gen-Ys complaining about someone being too “mean” or “sarcastic,” inevitably the person being discussed is Gen-X and just as inevitably, what a Gen-Yer interprets as “being mean” I interpret as joking/teasing. Gen-Yers just have different expectations than Gen-Xers. Gen-Xers are snarky. Gen-Yers are adorkable. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
In fact, snark might be the key characteristic in defining Gen-X. Hmm. Perhaps I should code for snark. Ooh! Wouldn’t it be awesome if I could work snark into my title?! Yes. I must make that happen.
Hmm. aykb, I can relate anything to Seinfeld, but now it seems I can also relate anything to The Dissertation. Seinfeld still sneaked in there, though 😉
The Remainder Table 