Tag Archives: Poetry

“The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered”

I’ve been catching up on my neglected feeds and such, and yesterday I ran across this:

The one bit of verse that charmed me, when read on the iPad, was Clive James’s brilliant and witty “The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered.” This poem forces you to wonder: What will remainders look like in our digital future? Where’s the 99-cents bin going to be?

Dwight Garner

Wait. There’s a remainder table poem? Naturally, I had to seek it out. I found a copy here, at The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Keillor (he of my favorite writer’s quote ever: “Nothing bad ever happens to a writer; everything is material”).

Here’s the first stanza. Click through to read the rest or listen to Keillor read it.

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered.
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,
My enemy’s much-praised effort sits in piles
In the kind of bookshop where remaindering occurs.
Great, square stacks of rejected books and, between them, aisles
One passes down reflecting on life’s vanities,
Pausing to remember all those thoughtful reviews
Lavished to no avail upon one’s enemy’s book—
For behold, here is that book
Among these ranks and the banks of duds,
These ponderous and seemingly irreducible cairns
Of complete stiffs.

Maybe this should be The Remainder Table’s mascot poem 😉

Project 366 – Week 15

99/366
frozen reservoir
biting wind, bright sunny sky
Alberta April

100/366
the best thing about
coming home: noticing the
smell of the ocean

101/366
neverending rounds
of chores and errands: that’s what
grown-ups are made of

102/366
on the last day of
the semester, students have
already vanished

103/366
this is what I need:
a photowalk this weekend
sakura in bloom

104/366
Friday the thirteenth
fits perfectly in one line
that’s not unlucky

105/366
“I hope you’re having
a good weekend…” Saturday
emails always start

Project 366 – Week 14

92/366
I must stop crying
eyes burn, head splits wide open
chest tight with heartache

93/366
this is the one where
I get by with a little
help from my friends. thanks.

94/366
pulling another
all-nighter? I think I can,
I think I can… yep.

95/366
a tatted-out guy o
on the number 3, rocking
to Kelly Clarkson

96/366
finishing grading
means finally facing the
stack of dirty dishes

97/366
train to the airport
makes me feel like I’m living
in a big city

98/366
three generations
baking vegan chocolate-
mint sandwich cookies

Project 366 – Week 13

85/366
grading makes me so
sleepy. Sunday afternoon
nap. so delicious.

86/366
walked into cat post.
heard loud crack. toe now purple.
lesson: don’t make jokes.

87/366
cat barf everywhere
poor kitty is not feeling
well at all today

88/366
so tired of grading
and just so tired. want to sleep
and sleep and sleep and…

89/366
so hard to focus
when you’re worried but falling
behind means more stress

90/366
longest week ever
want to snuggle with kitty
until she is well

91/366
to the best kitty
in the whole world. already
missing you, buddy

Project 366 – Week 12

78/366
a fleeting moment
an idea poised to fly
away in a breath

79/366
I think I could use
a personal assistant
and a housekeeper

80/366
spotted: red velvet
cake in the bakery aisle
cream cheese frosting? sold.

81/366
seen on the bus home:
guy wearing three different
camouflage patterns

82/366
today’s grading goal:
met. before dinner. success
in small increments.

83/366
and, finally, there’s
nothing left to do but make
cheese toast and popcorn

84/366
Mad Men marathon
must finish up season four
before tomorrow night

Project 366 – Week 11

71/366
some guy is yelling,
“Bob McCammon! Canucks! the
’90s!” I don’t know why.

72/366
wind storm tears at trees
stereotypical March
in like a lion

73/366
Tuesday the 13th
why is it only Fridays
that are unlucky?

74/366
it’s raining inside
the bus. drops of water keep
falling on my head.

75/366
the Book Warehouse is
closing. goodbye to all the
remainder tables.

76/366
dishes, water plants,
vacuum, RUN, groceries, EAT,
cat box, time for bed

77/366
overheard: woman
to friend, “I put on my spring
coat and my spring shoes…”

Project 366 – Week 10

64/366
just like a Law &
Order cold open — police
ambulance — flash, flash.

65/366
and still, years later
everything relates to a
Seinfeld episode

66/366 (look at all the sixes! 66/366 on 3/6!)
not yet election
just choosing a candidate
takes too bloody long

67/366
home before dark — or,
at least, almost. spring is just
around the corner.

68/366
remember: the true
meaning of feminism
is equality

69/366
frequent handwashing
my fingers crack and bleed but
I never get sick

70/366
practicing yoga
with dinner in the oven
not an ascetic

Project 366 – Week 9

57/366
click-clunk between songs.
someone is listening to
a mixtape. flashback.

58/366
freedom to read week
annoy a conservative
go read a banned book

59/366
snowfall warning at
night—will it be a snow day
tomorrow? crap shoot.

60/366
giant fluffy flakes
snow on Burnaby mountain
a leap day surprise

61/366
putting the final
touches on the March issue
of Toasted Cheese. woo!

62/366
it’s pouring down rain
echoes of backhoe digging
against heavy sky

63/366
approaching the end
of a long-term project is
always bittersweet

Project 366 – Week 8

50/366
lying on the grass
at Queen Elizabeth Park
a dead black squirrel

51/366
who is voting for
Rick Santorum? he is a
genuine nutbar.

52/366
one more thing to do
or is that two? just want to
go to bed right now

53/366
my first memory
eating licorice all-sorts
in a backyard fort

54/366
the old house across
the street was torn down today.
gentrification.

55/366
why is it snowing?
doesn’t the weather know that
it’s flower count time?

56/366
the wind, the wind it
blows and blows, shaking, rattling
rolling over me

Project 366 – Week 7

43/366
rolling in the deep
with Adele at the Grammys
woman with a voice

44/366
wondering why I
have never made quiche before
easy and tasty

45/366
my valentine is
small, orange and furry and likes
to snuggle and purr

46/366
a power outage
alarm bleats repeatedly
at the disruption

47/366
baking sticky bread
on a gray and rainy day
the smoke alarm wails

48/366
tomatoes, basil
melty mozzarella on
a thin crust pizza

49/366 (a Friday FUM response)
this chicken sandwich
looks familiar. I guess all
fast food looks the same.