[I]t would be terrifying if we, as adults, changed as much as children during those early years. We’d all be awash with anxiety and engulfed by a grief so large it couldn’t be contained because there would no stability and cohesiveness in our lives at all. We would have no moorings, nothing to keep us tethered to this earth.

We count on a high degree of sameness not only in ourselves, but also in the people we care about. … It’s not just the capacity to change, but also the capacity to resist change, that stabilizes our sense of identity, our continuity with the past, and our connections with others.

—Harriet Lerner