Category Archives: Reading

Would you read your child’s diary?

I started tidying up this afternoon and ended up doing a major clean. Well, the place needed it. And my wrist needed a break from outlining. I was slathering it in A535 just to keep going. Even though the touchpad can be used ambidextrously (yay), the right one always ends up hurting more because the page up/down and arrow keys are on the R-hand side. Hmm. Not to mention enter and backspace and delete.

Would you read your child’s diary? I’ve thought about it quite a bit. Not that I have kids, but it’s one of those big moral dilemma questions. What I’ve come up with is that it’s not something I’d do as a matter of course “oh, my kid has a diary, therefore I will read it.” For one thing, I wouldn’t want to do it, and then pretend I hadn’t—give the kid a false sense of privacy. That’s just nasty. And so… basically you get one shot. You read it once, you tell him/her you read it and that’s it. The kid’s either a) going to stop writing; b) continue writing but fill the pages with fiction; c) find a better hiding place. You’ve also lost—or seriously damaged—your kid’s trust in you, because you’ve not invaded his/her privacy for any particular reason. And I don’t think “because I’m your parent and therefore I have the right to know everything you’re thinking” cuts it. Because you’re penalizing/punishing kids who write. The kid who doesn’t write doesn’t get the same treatment. The message the kid gets is not going to be “my parent is looking out for me.” It’s going to be “if I want to keep something private, I can’t write it down.” That said, if there was a reason to be concerned about the kid’s well-being, then perhaps diary-reading may be warranted. I wouldn’t rule it out. But I think the kid would have to have given me reason to be worried about him/her. It’s a line between temptation/curiosity and purpose/genuine concern. Save the one-shot diary read for when it’s really warranted. When the benefits outweigh the costs. If your kid is basically a good kid, I can’t help but think that more harm will be done by showing you don’t trust him/her. Like, why bother being good if no one believes I really am. If they think I’m bad, well, then I really will be bad. The other thing is… when does it stop? When do you no longer have even the theoretical right? I think part of the dilemma lies in that in the beginning parents have total control over their children—they’re dependent on them for everything. But by the time the child is writing their thoughts down in a diary, the parent has already lost a good chunk of their control, not necessarily externally—mom or dad is still in charge of when the kid can do what, but internally—the kid is thinking for him/herself. The diary may be the first manifestation of this. So there’s that realization: “my kid’s doing something I have no control over!” which has to be scary. But there it is. You can’t stop it. It happens.

Of course, this may all be a moot point in the future with blogs and all. I think people tend to self-edit in online journals / diaries / blogs, though. Of course, I self-edited way back when in my paper journal I kept when I was teenager. I always wrote with the awareness that someone might read it. Even though I always buried it at the bottom of a drawer. But there was a lot of stuff I never wrote about back then. I spun stuff quite frequently too, to make it sound better or more exciting or whatever. I didn’t want anyone to read it; I would have been mortified. And it’s not that there was anything “bad” in it. I don’t buy the “a person who’s done nothing wrong has nothing to hide” argument either. I hadn’t done anything illegal or risque. In fact, most often my entries were about how my life was hopeless because it didn’t involve anything illegal or risque. It’s just that it was personal. It was something I had control over (think about it: diary or eating disorder?). It was my hell. And someone else reading about it wouldn’t have made it better. Especially my mom reading it wouldn’t have made it better because her teenagerhood was pretty much the exact opposite of mine. It’s part of the reason mine was so hard. It’s not her fault, but it just wouldn’t have made it better for her to say “I read your diary I feel your pain” because she didn’t. She may have felt pain but it wasn’t my particular brand of social outcast pain. So.

Enough. Got teenagers on my brain I guess because I’m working on CSS. McKenna’s not an outcast though. Well, I guess she’s a pseudo-outcast at the beginning. But she’s not really. She’s just out of her element. Has to learn to swim. Does M have a diary? Definitely not before the beginning of the story. She never had a reason to. But maybe somewhere along the way. I don’t know about a traditional “diary” though. Songwriting, I used to think. If I could write a decent lyric that might work. We’ll have to see.

Inspiration

Amazon used to have a feature where it would generate a list of recommended books for you based on the ratings that you’d given to books you’d already read. At the top of my list was always “Pat Barker.” Pat who? At first I confused her with Pat Conroy. I unconfused myself and jotted the name down for future reference. Eventually, I found the Regeneration trilogy, “The Eye in the Door” first, and the others “Regeneration” and “The Ghost Road” later. These were used bookstore, remainder bin finds. Typical convoluted book discovery. I tend to believe that sometimes fate steps in and says, “Hey, you can’t go through life not knowing about this.”

I’ve been struggling with describing characters. It’s a fine line to say just enough.

In these scenes, Rivers meets Prior for the first time. The language Barker uses is simple and very spare. But every so often, she uses a word that’s a surprise: supercilious. sibilance.

At first, Prior’s attitude is implied. Only later, after he speaks for the first time, does she let Rivers engage in a little open analysis. Finally, she throws in the kicker, the metaphor: A little, spitting, sharp-boned alley cat.

How could you not be able to see Billy Prior after reading this?

This is what I’m aiming for when I write. Sometimes I need to remind myself.

from Regeneration © Pat Barker 1991…

(page 41)

Prior was lying on his bed, reading. He was a thin, fair-haired young man of twenty-two with high cheekbones, a short, blunt nose and a supercilious expression. He looked up as Rivers came in, but didn’t close the book.

‘Sister tells me you had a bad night?’

Prior produced an elaborate shrug. Out of the corner of his eye Rivers saw Sister Rogers’s lips tighten.

‘What did you dream about?’

Prior reached for the notepad and pencil he kept beside his bed and scrawled in block capitals, ‘I DON’T REMEMBER.’

‘Nothing at all?’

Prior hesitated, then wrote, ‘NO.’

‘Does he talk in his sleep, sister?’

Rivers was looking at Prior as he asked the question, and thought he detected a flicker of uneasiness.

‘Nothing you can get hold of.’

Prior’s lips curled, but he couldn’t hide the relief.

(page 49)

Prior sat with his arms folded over his chest and his head turned slightly away. His eyelids looked raw from lack of sleep.

‘When did your voice come back?’ Rivers asked.

‘In the middle of the night. I woke up shouting and suddenly I realized I could talk. It’s happened before.’

A Northern accent, not ungrammatical, but with the vowel sounds distinctly flattened, and the faintest trace of sibilance. Hearing Prior’s voice for the first time had the curious effect of making him look different. Thinner, more defensive. And, at the same time, a lot tougher. A little, spitting, sharp-boned alley cat.

Reading Break

I have managed to do next-to-nothing school-wise over reading break. Not sure if this is good or bad. It could be good, but only if I can manage to break free of my inertia and start powering up for exams in April. I am starting to feel a bit anxious, but not about exams. It’s about my paper that I don’t have a topic for yet. I need to get cracking on that.

I picked up Stephen King’s On Writing (the hardcover version) off the remainder table at Chapters on Wednesday for $7. Original price: $37. Everyone who’s read it says it’s great, so I assume it’s definitely worth the 7 bucks.

I did read this week, just not law. Recreational reading (Asta’s Book by Barbara Vine), imagine that. And I finished my decisions for the ezine. As we become more established, I’m finding we’re getting a lot less outright crap, and a lot more middle-of-the-road stuff. I think that’s a good sign, but it makes it harder to make decisions. Still only getting about one piece each time that I give an outright “yes” to on first read. I just realized it’s a leap year. Nice. Means I get an extra day to set up the ezine. Getting the March one done on time is always a challenge because February is so short, so that’s a help.

The End

Well, I finished it yesterday afternoon. A few things I forgot to mention:

There’s a scene in a drugstore when Henry first gets back from Paris. Three little girls are sitting at the counter. The first orders a chocolate sundae. The second orders a pineapple soda with chocolate ice cream. The third says, “I think I’ll have a douche. Mamma says they are so refreshing.”

I just thought that was funny because it showed more of a risque sense of humor than I would have expected from Miss M.

Also: they call Coke, er, Coca-Cola, “dope”. Anyone ever heard that before?

And just for Sal: she mentions scuppernongs without explaining what they are. Hee.

Anyhow, Ilsa & Henry went to the theater to see a touring company perform a bunch of plays. Ilsa had never seen a play before and she was enthralled. They ended up meeting the lead actor, Franz, and he & Ilsa hit it off. He obviously wanted Ilsa to go with him when he left, but she didn’t.

Shortly after Franz left, Ilsa went blind and Monty drank some bad moonshine and died an agonizing death, leaving Ilsa with a mound of debt.

Then we skipped ahead in time 11 years. Ilsa took in boarders and taught piano to make ends meet. Her daughter, Brand, was now 19. Henry continued to lurk about and do nothing of substance. Also, strangely enough, although 11 years had passed, he had only aged 9 years 😉 (He was 24 in the previous section and 33 in this one, LOL. I’m not terribly surprised with this discrepancy. Miss M often makes timeline errors. She says she is bad at math and I believe her!)

Anyhow, Cousin William’s adopted son, Lorenzo, has his sights set on Brand, but Brand is afraid to leave Ilsa on her own (she thinks she will attempt suicide). One of the boarders is Joshua, a young writer. He’s written a novel, which has been sent out and rejected many times. He’s working on a second, but has basically given up, and is hiding out, unwilling to return home (he’s a Northerner) because he’s a failure. At the end of the story, his first book is accepted, and he comes back to life. Another boarder is an old teacher of Henry’s, Myra. She drinks to numb her disillusionment and is going to pieces. She’s the only character who speaks of God, and it’s in a bitter, cynical way.

Franz the actor passes through town. He’s as unsuccessful as Henry is, but at least not as stagnant. He and Ilsa are still in love, but Ilsa won’t go with him, because it would cause a scandal, and that would ruin Brand’s chances of living happily in the town. Lorenzo got a scholarship to a University in Wisconsin. Everyone expects that Brand will marry Lorenzo. I guess they expect that he will return in 4 years and she will wait.

The only people who have turned out well are Silver & Eddie (who we never see because he’s always busy working).

Henry eavesdrops on Franz and Ilsa. He tells Silver. Silver is like oh, Henry you’re so pathetic, get off your ass, stop pining over Ilsa and do something with your life! She says Eddie can get him a job if he wants it. Henry takes her up on the offer.

Violetta has become nasty and gossipy but no one has the guts to tell her to shut up and shove off. She barges in just as Franz & Ilsa are saying goodbye and ruins it and yet no one smacks her. Which is what she deserved. A good hard smack. Instead Henry walks out into the rain and gets wet.

The End.

Okay, overall, what struck me about this book. First of all, I see it a classic second novel. Her first was also classic in that it was “autobiographical”, and by that I mean not that it was about her, but it was very much based on her own real life experiences. For this book, she put it in a familiar setting (her mother was from the south and she lived there with her grandmother for a time) and I’m guessing that some of the characters were based on IRL relatives & such, but it looks like a first real attempt at plotting. Hence, a lot of melodramatic soapy elements, while at the same time the characters don’t do a whole lot.

That said, I liked it. I mean, partly that’s because I can see the context, and as a writer, I enjoyed dissecting it. She wrote her first few books while she was working as an understudy. The theater influence comes through, not just in the obvious, but also I think in the way the characters speak and act. I found this book, like others from her early years, less censored than her later efforts. That she was disillusioned with religion at this point in her life is pretty clear. And that’s interesting, considering where she went later in life.

Another reason not to dismiss it, is that the writing is strong. The characters may not be doing anything, but she does a good job of describing them doing nothing 😉 Yes, it could use tightening, but this is mostly in the realm of using the same word/phrase too many times, not horrible grammatical errors or anything.
Problems with it: Henry is the narrator, but we don’t really see him do anything except for pine over Ilsa. He doesn’t appear to have any other interests. This makes him rather one-dimensional.

Also, this book was published when she was 27/28, so I’m assuming it was written a year or so before that. It’s almost as if she didn’t know what to do with characters when they got to be older than she was at the time of writing, so she killed them off, or had them “go away”.

But honestly, I’m perplexed as to why this hasn’t been re-issued. It’s really not that bad. Think about all the crap out there! And there’s also no reason why it couldn’t have a go-round with a good editor before being re-issued (a couple of her early books were re-issued in the 80s with changes). So I don’t know. Maybe she feels it doesn’t speak for her where she is now. But that’s kind of revising history, isn’t it? Obviously this is what she believed then.

More!

Okay, so Aunt Elizabeth’s lovechild was stillborn. End of that story, I suppose.

Ilsa married Monty & had a child. Later, she had a miscarriage, so no more kids for them. Silver married Monty’s brother, Eddie, and had 3 kids. Monty’s twin, Violetta had already married Cousin Anna’s son, Dolph. She had a miscarriage, so no kids for them. Apparently Miss M was under the impression that if one had a miscarriage, one could no longer have children.

Meanwhile, Henry was in Paris. He was gone for 8 years, through the war and after. Maybe he was hanging with Scott, Ernest, Gertrude & Ford Madox Ford. >ahem< He was supposed to be going to school & studying violin, but he was a dissipated youth, and instead took his monthly installment from daddy and spent it on the usual: wine, women, and song. Specifically, he hooked up with a distant cousin who was a nightclub singer & pawned his violin to buy her prezzies. He has a pleasant enough time with her, but naturally, he can’t get Ilsa out of his head.

So he comes home & his father’s all disappointed in him and people are variously changed and not. Monty’s letting his father’s law practice rot because he doesn’t like to work. Eddie OTOH is working his ass off. Dolph is bald. Ilsa & Monty’s marriage is unhappy, but there’s a spark between them and Henry thinks they would be happier if Ilsa was Monty’s mistress instead of his wife. They all seem kind of old & tired, but by my calculations, none of them are yet 30.

Oh yeah, and Ilsa’s going blind. They haven’t actually figured this out yet, but it will happen. Unless she dies (cough! cough! thud!) beforehand. Hee! It’s all quite melodramatic and dare I say, soapy.

Update…

I finally started reading it. The story so far…

It’s narrated by a boy named Henry Randolph Porcher. At the beginning of the story he’s 10, but where I am now, he’s 15. We jumped a few years. I’m assuming it’s going to jump ahead again at some point. It’s set in the south, near Charleston. And early in the 20th C. Where I am now there’s a comment about “you know there’s a war in Europe” and I’m assuming that’s WWI. Earlier, they were still using carriages & cars sounded like “newfangled” items.

Anyhoo– in the beginning Henry has “run away” from home & meets Ilsa Brandes & her father. He spends the day with them because he’s in trouble and he doesn’t want to go home. When they do take him home, they discover the town is on fire & Henry’s house ends up burning down. Henry & family end up living in a hotel somewhere else for 5 years until his mother croaks (literally, think cough, cough, thud) at the ripe old age of 37. Ancient, I tell you! Henry’s family is of the rich, old, inbred sort. They hate Ilsa & her father, because he was in love with one of the clan (Elizabeth), but they wouldn’t let him marry Elizabeth, because he was poor white trash, apparently, so he ran off to Europe and married Ilsa’s mother (who then promptly died in childbirth). Meanwhile, Elizabeth was >gasp< pregnant. Elizabeth is dead, dunno what happened to the baby yet.

So when Henry’s mother dies, they move back to their house, which has been rebuilt so it’s exactly the same as the old one. While they were gone, Ilsa’s father also conveniently died (no cough cough, he died of a mysterious fever), so she’s had to move in with Cousin Anna, who is I think, the only relative Henry likes. Henry’s cousin Monty has his sights set on Ilsa much to the chagrin of Henry’s sister Silver. Henry hates Monty so he’s pissed off on several levels because of course he likes Ilsa.

Well that’s about it so far. Possible controversial bits:

In the opening part, Ilsa & Henry go swimming… without bathing suits (she’s 13, he’s 10).

A lot of oblivious racism w/ regard to how the black characters are portrayed. So far there’s been a chain gang, a bunch of crazy people running away from the fire, and a lot of servants, who all talk with “Gone With the Wind” type phrasing.

Ilsa

I have been getting back into reading mysteries, now that I’ve found some authors who aren’t writing to a script. I’m loving Patricia Highsmith. Right now I’m reading Original Sin by P.D. James. Anyhow– Monday night, I happened to see this BBC movie called “No Night Is Too Long” on Showcase. Total fluke, I was just looking for some background noise, but it was so gripping [even with the distracting obviously-filmed-in-Victoria scenery ;-)], I ended up sitting down and watching the whole thing. Well, I was just so intrigued–and actually hoping to find that they planned to re-air it–that I did some digging and I found out that “No Night Is Too Long” is a book by Barbara Vine (a pseudonym of Ruth Rendell), who apparently is a big mystery/thriller writer. So I’ll have to look for it next time I’m at Chapters.

Speaking of books, I have on my desk a copy of Ilsa by Madeleine L’Engle. Ilsa! I’m all =-O A little background: Ilsa was her second book and it’s never been reprinted, so the only copies out there are the originals from 1946. Sometimes a copy will come up on eBay for $300, but otherwise it’s unavailable. I’ve been looking for it for oh, 20 years, in every library or used bookstore I’ve ever been in. Always nothing. Until a couple months ago. I was at the UBC library catalog, looking for something else, and I thought, hey– and typed in Ilsa. When the title came up, I thought, no, it’ll be something else. But then I clicked and it really was the right book. And it wasn’t even missing! Unfortunately, it was out. And it continued to be out all fall. I know, I could’ve put a hold on it. But I really wanted to be able to walk up to the stacks and take it off the shelf myself (is that crazy?). Anyhow– I finally got my hands on it today. It’s been rebound, but otherwise it’s in good condition, which somehow seems amazing. My speculation is that she hates this book for some reason and has nixed it being reprinted. But I find her earlier books to be riskier and more raw (honest?) than her later ones, so I’m terribly curious about this book, and I can’t wait to read it.

However… our open memo is due on Monday, and I’m a bundle of stress. I have LSLAP tomorrow, and I’ll have to leave Legal Writing early to get there, and I’ll probably end up late anyhow. I also started volunteering for CJFL, doing editing stuff (footnote checking, atm), so I’ve been doing that this week… instead of working on my memo. Well, I did work on the thing all weekend. I did a bit on it tonight, and I have the three hour stretch tomorrow. But damn, I think there’s a class in the computer room–at least there was last week. arghh. That sucks. Okay, guess I better come up with a plan B, in case.