I resolve to…

• figure out how to buy jeans I can wear longer than 15 minutes without being able to take them off like they’re sweatpants (why do they stretch so much? how am I supposed to know what size to buy if fitting room fit =/= real life fit? #thingsishouldhavefiguredoutbynow)
• subtweet more (the witty kind, obvs.)
• get a new phone so I can annoy people with emojis